#trying to find my soulmate

[starry-bi-sky]

*stares at disciple SQQ falling into the abyss au*

oh you are so "SY-is-SJ" coded. You are so "fell into the abyss and suddenly remembered that oh i've been Shen Jiu this whole time, not just Shen Yuan. we are one and the same". you are so 'crumbling under the weight of the system and being in the abyss and the despair of never really being free and having suffered in both lives' built. you are so 'scrambling to come to terms with your existence and battling with which life is really yours, only to realize that they both are'. You are primed for going off the rails.

I'm so normal about this guys. i promise.

[scrumptiousstuffs]

And cue the waterworks 🥹

FK Fanmeet Taipei 2024

Source of translation as above/video from @/pp_swy

13/10/2024

[tiredandoptimistic]

I've been thinking a bit about Comrades In Arms, and I want to talk about bow Margaret's behavior towards Hawkeye once she thinks they're A Couple sheds a lot of light on how she views her place in romantic relationships.

Firstly there's the obvious thing that she's so focused on a potential serious relationship that it doesn't really occur to her to see things the way Hawkeye does (friends can have sex sometimes and don't need to make it weird afterwards). Margaret is no stranger to casual sex, but this blending of sex and a strong emotional bond with an absence of romance seems to throw her off. She and Hawkeye are good friends, they're clearly attracted to each other, why shouldn't he be her next great love? Sure, he's not the type of guy she ever pictured herself being with or even felt super interested in, but Frank and Donald were far closer to her tastes and they both turned out terribly.

Secondly, I think it's very important to note how completely her behavior and attitude change after she and Hawkeye have sex. Part of it is probably just her feeling genuinely optimistic about her love life for the first time in a while, blending with general exuberance over not dying in the shelling overnight; but I think a lot of it comes from her mentally shifting Hawkeye from a friend to a romantic partner. We see with Frank, Donald, and Scully that Margaret is more than willing to change herself to suit the needs of her lovers. I'd even go so far as to say that a lot of her arc is about learning to stand up for what she wants in a relationship, rather than just slipping into the submissive wife role.

I've talked about this in other posts, but I think it bears repeating that Margaret yearns for love and affection and since it's the early 1950s she believes that the only way to find that happiness is by conforming strictly to gender roles when it's expected of her. She's too feminine to be content as a full time soldier, too masculine to be content as a full time housewife. Rather than trusting that she can find a unique path that works for her, she lets herself change to fit the narrow view her society holds on gender. She likes Scully, Scully likes housewives, so she'll act like a housewife when she's with Scully because the alternative is being alone. Simply put, I'm not sure that Margaret really believes that anyone will truly love her for all that she is. Now of course this mindset is something she grows out of, and in that Scully episode she ends up telling him off and giving up on that relationship because it's not worth being with someone who would force her to keep changing and changing herself to fit his ideals. Still, she doesn't have that perfect partner who will love her in all her complexity.

Going back to the episode with Hawkeye, I find it fascinating that Margaret slides so cleanly into this supportive girlfriend role. She's immediately endlessly complementary to Hawkeye and acts like all his ideas are brilliant and all his jokes are hilarious, because that's how she thinks you get a man to stick around. The problem is, for all his issues with misogyny, Hawkeye doesn't actually want a doting yes-woman who agrees with everything he says. He's made uncomfortable by Margaret acting this way, because the real reason she's one of his best friends isn't because she's hot; it's because she's Margaret. He loves her for her genuine personality, which is why they're only really to fully click once Frank is gone and she's no longer dampening herself to fit with him.

Ironically, in trying to make herself more romantically palatable to Hawkeye, Margaret instead becomes totally unappealing. She's so completely unused to the idea that someone could be into her for her, she thinks that step one in a relationship is to embrace all of her most extreme femininity because she thinks that's the only type of woman who can be loved.

In the end, I'm really happy with the way Margaret and Hawkeye's relationship turns out. They have an extremely close friendship that isn't devoid of romance, but at the same time neither of them actually wants to be together as a couple. Margaret never needs to change herself for Hawkeye, and in fact the more she embraces her own convictions the more deeply he cares for her; but that doesn't mean that they're actually suited romantically. They fit into each other's lives in a different way, which is something Margaret isn't used to. I don't think she fully realized that she could have deep relationships with men other than a husband, so I truly adore seeing her open up to other members of the 4077th and building those bonds with Hawkeye, BJ, Charles, Klinger, and Colonel Potter. Putting up a tradwife facade only works in prolonging relationships that should never have lasted in the first place, and by the end of the war she's moved past that by learning how to love herself and building up a support system of people who embrace all of her contradictions.

[marsapolis]

+° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° +° .

"women do stupid things when they're in love. that's why i've been in business for twelve years"

- Judge Judy

+° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° +° .

i have this guttural, almost euphoric, sense that i am the only other human being on this earth that really understands and is captivated by Judge Judy. like me and her? best of friends. lovers from another life. we know each other so deeply and intimately but we are sadly separated by time and space. one day Judy. one day.

+° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° +° .

[crimsonlovebartylus]

there is 934 fics under the bartylus tag - 343 of it is Jegulus and 592 if you exclude that tag from it.

I'll continue to emphasize if Bartylus is only in a fic for 5% of your 95% jegulus fic (or rosekiller fic) maybe just maybe you should tag them in the additional tags <3 not in the main tags if they aren't even in the story. so we could maybe stop clogging up the bartylus tag 🥰 just a thought.

[hanakihan]

I just love how out of context this trope’s description for Jinchul sounds like a legitimate premise for a romance plot I’m crying

[possamble]

realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille

[bittersweetresilience]

it feels cosmically unfair that i think about writing all the time want to write all the time and sit down to write all the time and i come up with two sentences at best. there should be some reward system i think

[acourtofquestions]

Rowaelin Chapter 41 Kingdom of Ash:

She'd rebuild it—what she had been.

Perhaps one last time, perhaps only for a little while, but she'd do it. If only for Terrasen.

Rowan swooped from the mast, shifting as he reached her side at the rail. He surveyed the night-black sea beyond them. "You should rest." She slid him a glance. "I'm not tired." Not a lie, not in some regards. "Want to spar?" He frowned. "Training can start tomorrow."

"Or tonight." She held his piercing stare, matched his dominance with her own.

"It can wait a few hours, Aelin."

"Every day counts." Against Erawan, even a day of training would count.

Rowan's jaw tightened. "True," he said at last. "But it can still wait. There are ... there are things we need to discuss." The silent words rose in his animal-bright eyes. About you and me.

Her mouth went dry. But Aelin nodded In silence, they strode into their spacious quarters, its only decoration the wall of windows that overlooked the churning sea behind them. A far cry from a queen's chamber, or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin.

At least the bed built into the wall looked clean enough, the sheets crisp and stainless. But Aelin headed for the oak desk anchored to the floor, and leaned against it while Rowan shut the door.

In the dim lantern light, they stared at each other.

She'd endured Maeve and Cairn; she'd endured Endovier and countless other horrors and losses. She could have this conversation with him. The first step toward rebuilding herself.

Aelin knew Rowan could hear her thundering heart as the space between them went taut. She swallowed once. "Elide and Lorcan told you... told you everything that was said on that beach."

A curt nod, wariness flooding his eyes. "Everything that Maeve said." Another nod.

She braced herself. "That I'm-we're mates."

Understanding and something like relief replaced that wariness. "Yes."

"I'm your mate," she said, needing to voice it. "And you are mine."

Rowan crossed the room, but halted a few feet from the desk on which she leaned. "What of it, Aelin?" His question was low, rough.

"Don't you..." She scrubbed at her face. "You know what she did to you, to ..." She couldn't say her name. Lyria. "Because of it."

"I do know."

"And?"

"And what do you wish me to say?"

She pushed off the desk. "I wish you to tell me how you feel about it. If…"

"If what?"

"If you wish it wasn't so."

His brows narrowed. "Why would I ever wish that?"

She shook her head, unable to answer, and stared over her shoulder toward the sea.

It seemed like he would close the distance between them, but he remained where he was.

"Aelin." His voice turned hoarse. "Aelin."

She looked at him then, at the pain in his words.

"Do you know what I wish?" He exposed his palms, one tattooed, the other unmarked. "I wish that you had told me. When you realized it. I wish you had told me then."

She swallowed against the ache in her throat. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"Why would it ever hurt me to know the truth that was already in my heart? The truth I hoped for?"

"I didn't understand it. I didn't understand how it was possible. I thought maybe ... maybe you might be able to have two mates within a lifetime, but even then, I just ….." She blew out a breath. "I didn't want you to be distressed." His eyes softened. "Do I regret that Lyria was dragged into this, that the cost of Maeve's game was her life, and the life of the child we might have had? Yes. I regret that, and I wish it had never happened." He would bear the tattoo to remember it for the rest of his days. "But none of that was your fault. I will always carry some of the burden of it, always know I chose to leave her for war and glory, and that I played right into Maeve's hands."

"Maeve wanted to ensnare you to get to me, though."

"Then it is her choice, not yours."

Aelin ran a hand over the worn wood of the desk. "In those illusions she spun for me, she showed me variations on one more than all the others." The words were strained, but she forced them out. Forced herself to look at him. "She spun me one dreamscape that felt so real I could smell the wind off the Staghorns."

"What did she show you?" A breathless question.

Aelin had to swallow before she could answer. "She showed me what might have been—if there had been no Erawan, if Elena had dealt with him properly and banished him. If there had been no Lyria, none of that pain or despair you endured. She showed me Terrasen as it would have been today, with my father as king, and my childhood happy, and..." Her lips wobbled. "When I turned twenty, you came with a delegation of Fae to Terrasen, to make amends for the rift between my mother and Maeve. And you and I took one look at each other in my father's throne room, and we knew."

She didn't fight the stinging in her eyes. "I wanted to believe that was the true world. That this was the nightmare from which I'd awaken. I wanted to believe that there was a place where you and I had never known this suffering and loss, where we'd take one look at each other and know we were mates. Maeve told me she could make it so. If I gave her the keys, she'd make it all possible." She wiped at her cheek, at the tear that escaped down it. "She spun me realities where you were dead, where you'd been killed by Erawan and only in handing over the keys to her would I be able to avenge you. But those realities made me ... I stopped being useful to her when she told me you were gone. She couldn't get me to talk, to think. Yet in the ones where you and I met, where things were as they should have been ... that was when I came the closest."

His swallow was audible. "What stopped you?"

She wiped at her face again. "The male I fell in love with was you. It was you, who knew pain as I did, and who walked with me through it, back to the light. Maeve didn't understand that. That even if she could create that perfect world, it wouldn't be you with me. And I'd never trade that, trade this. Not for anything." He extended his hand. An offer and invitation.

Aelin laid hers atop his, and his callused fingers squeezed gently. "I wanted it to be you," he breathed, closing his eyes. "For months and months, even in Wendlyn, I wondered why you weren't my mate instead. It tore me up, wondering it, but I still did." He opened his eyes, and they burned like green fire. "All this time, I wanted it to be you."

She lowered her gaze, but he hooked a thumb and forefinger around her chin and lifted her face.

"I know you are tired, Fireheart. I know that the burden on your shoulders is more than anyone should endure." He took their joined hands and laid them on his heart. "But we'll face this together. Erawan, the Lock, all of it.

"We'll face it together. And when we are done, when you Settle, we will have a thousand years together. Longer."

A small sound came out of her. "Elena said the Lock requires—"

"We'll face it together," he swore again.

"And if the cost of it truly is you, then we'll pay it together. As one soul in two bodies.

Her heart strained to the point of cleaving. "Terrasen needs a king."

"I have no intention of ruling Terrasen without you. Aedion can have the job."

She scanned his face. He meant every word He brushed the hair from her face, his other hand still clasping hers to his chest, where his heart pounded a steady, unfaltering rhythm.

"Even if I had my choice of any dream-realities, any perfect illusions, I would still choose you, too."

She felt the truth of his words echo into the unbreakable thing that bound their very souls, and tilted her face up toward his. But he made no move beyond it.

She frowned. "Why aren't you kissing me?"

"I thought you might want to be asked first."

"That never stopped you before."

"This first time, I wanted to make sure you were ... ready." After Cairn and Maeve. After months of having no choices whatsoever.

She smiled despite that truth. "I'm ready to be kissed again, Prince."

He let out a dark chuckle and muttered, "Thank the gods," before he lowered his mouth to hers.

"You're my mate." Her words were a breathless rush. "And I am yours."

The world might have been burning around them for all she cared, all he cared, too.

"Together, Aelin," he promised, and she heard the rest of the words in every place their bodies joined. Together they would face this, together they would find a way.

Together we'll find a way, their mingling breaths, the crashing sea, seemed to echo.

Together.

[em-prentiss]

Hey, maybe that's a bit crazy but would you be open to the idea to write a story about soulmates? I am kind of hung up on them. I know it's not everybody cup of tea but i thought i ask

I think I would. I used to be a huge fan of soulmate au’s a few years back, so a hotchniss soulmate au would definitely be interesting especially given how many different types of soulmate au’s there are and their dislike of each other in the beginning :) if you have a specific type in mind I’d love to hear it, but I make no promises <3

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

At The Feet Of The Sun

book 2 in a slow paced high fantasy duology*

the right hand of the emperor (who is off searching for an heir) struggles with what to do after passing on his responsibilities and also discovering various pieces of information that are mindblowing to him, personally,

after adventure is thrust upon him, he travels to find His Radiancy and they go on some otherworldly adventures while growing closer and figuring out the nature of their friendship

(*there’s extra novellas & i think another book coming? duology adjacent, currently,)

[paimonial-rage]

another random writing event

So I am currently in avoidance mode with my wips and i do t wanna look at them, so i decided to have another random writing event. Below I have a list of 40 random words. If you're interested, please feel free to send in a word and a character and I'll do my best to write a short fic centered around it! If there are any words that are not on the list, feel free to send in one of your own! I may not get to everyone's but I will do as many as I can.

Begrudging

Untruths

Opposites

Trembling

Expectations

Testing

Hypothesis

Indulgence

Recoil

Repose

Brazen

Consequence

Facade

Fragment

Echo

Contradiction

Skeptic

Enthralled

Ambivalence

Dissonance

Subterfuge

Glimmer

Obscured

Nostalgia

Fleeting

Desolate

Revelation

Intrigue

Zenith

Perplexity

Fathom

Resilience

Turbulence

Labored

Solace

Transitory

Temperament

Sway

Frivolity

Nonsense

[stellar-jay]

i think the real victim of the ending of fool's fate is molly, who is inevitably going to have her husband of however many years, stepfather to her 8 children, break it to her that he needs to leave for an indeterminate amount of time to go save the world with his best friend that she has never met and doesnt know that much about who it turns out is his literal soulmate

[akkivee]

i wonder if they’ll drop ramuda’s preview during the hangout stream this week??? like if they do, there might be a world where these erratic drops are actually hinting at story developments. like jiro and saburo’s previews came out on time but ichiro’s was crazy late lol and he wound up being the cause of conflict in the track, so posse’s releasing on time might mean posse is like, sooo united on their front lmao 🤔

[veeva-i0i]

Good News everyone! I actually started on that Sam and Gabriel Soulmate fic that has been living in my mind rent-free. It will at least include the following (which I am totally NOT normal about);

Sam dating Jess, truly and deeply loving her despite them not being soulmates. He carries an immense guilt about her death, knowing that it was his fault that someone else would never get to meet and love their soulmate;

Sam knowing that somewhere out there, he does have a soulmate. People without soulmates don't have any dreams. His soulmate never showing up, meant that somehow they were hiding. And really, the older Sam got the more he started to understand why. He wouldn't want to be his own soulmate either.

Their shared dreamscape consisting of different rooms, for years it was only Sam's rooms that were visible to him (including a fast forest, an English literature classroom (later turned into a college classroom), and a library). The dreamscape changes once he meets the cute janitor while on a case, new rooms seemingly appearing out of nowhere. It lights a spark of hope in Sam, but it doesn't quite connect all the dots in his mind.

Mystery spot puts some more dominoes in place, it gives some more hints as to why Sam feels these tugs of attraction and want towards the trickster, despite the whole 'killing your brother over and over again', though the push to tumble those dominoes doesn't come quite yet.

After Mystery spot, the fic will follow a different timeline, one where they discover who Gabe is quicker. Dean will absolutely tear Gabriel a new one for keeping his brother in the dark about their soulmate bond.

Gabriel leaving behind one of his wing-feathers after that confrontation, a small bit of grace clinging onto it that put Sam at ease.

Sam getting said feather tattooed on his forearm (because I go absolutely FERAL for tattooed Sam) the first time Gabriel fakes his death to save the brothers. He stops showing up in their shared dreams and the feather loses its grace. Sam can only assume the worst.

Let's be real, Gabriel is still alive. The man is just doing what he's best at; running away from his problems. He's terrified of the idea of having a soulmate, of them being a hunter. Angels mate for life and he wasn't ready for the commitment, so he ran instead.

And there's just so much more going around in my brain for this fic. I just can't be normal about THEM.

[twpsyn-who]

Today on "Another JeanMarco Soulmate AU absolutely no one asked for" I present to you -

Soulmate AU in which you stop seeing colors when your soulmate dies, the only exception being your soulmate. Now cue to Jean who just found Marco's, his best friend's, body. And you know, there's the shock of finding out Marco's dead. The pain and confusion and guilt. But there's also the revelation, because despite everything he can still see Marco like nothing took place at all- yes, half of his face is missing and his body is straight up lifeless, but Jean can still make out the color of his eye ; see that light shade of brown perfectly, remember all the times he has found himself looking at them while listening to Marco talk. He can still make out the colors of his uniform, see the same shade of black his hair has always had, practically see. Despite being dead, Marco was the only piece of color left in his life.

And there's denial for a moment because there's no way Marco was his soulmate. But that goes away fast, getting replaced by guilt. By the fact that he hasn't been there to save him, that Marco has to die all alone without anyone being there for him.

And that was worse than the simple fact that he could no longer see colors ; because Marco was there when Jean needed him, but he failed to do the same. And not only he lost his best friend that day, but his other half too.